Relationship Myths From Movies We Need To Stop Romanticizing
Just because something sounds right doesn’t mean it is.
Sometimes we want to believe things because it makes us feel better, because it justifies turning our wants to needs, and because the alternative would mean accepting truths we’d rather not swallow. In a world where pain is thought of as something we must avoid and fear is said to be a weakness, what chance do we have in experiencing the best that love has to offer?
We live in a time where the rich can send cars to space and plants can taste like meat. With advances like that you’d think our views on basic human things like relationships would also shift towards a more progressive state, but alas, some ideas have been left outdated.
There’s probably been hundreds of articles reminding people of these, but sometimes everybody needs to hear it one more time.
Save some love for yourself.
Coming out of a bad relationship, we almost always hear someone telling us to save a little love for ourselves so that when the next one comes (and goes), there’s something left to build on and we’re not left with nothing.
First of all, starting with nothing is sometimes better than building on something unstable. Second, the idea that we need to withhold a little of ourselves when loving someone gives a dangerous misconception that we’re supposed to ‘love within our means’. The thing with that is you’re putting a limit on something wonderfully limitless.
Julia Roberts in Eat, Pray, Love (Photo from IMDB)
Love passionately, give willingly, and always remember to love yourself first and wholly because when relationships end, you need to embrace the person left with you to be able to start again.
"What if” they’re “the one who got away"?
Trust me, they’re not.
Don’t punish yourself thinking there might have been someone in your past you truly belonged to, if only—the timing was right, you weren’t with someone else, your career didn’t get in the way, etc etc.. The long and short of it is if someone was right for you, they’d be WITH you. Now. Today. Not then, not tomorrow, not in an imagined time when you’re both ready to be with each other.
Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams in The Notebook (Photo from IMDB)
If the timing isn’t right, the person isn’t right.
Being with the right person is timeless. The timing always feels perfect, things fall into place, and you never worry about missing out because at any given moment, you know you’re right where you should be and you have all the time in the world to enjoy it.
What do you really need to move on?
Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (Photo from IMDB)
I think the fact that you guys broke up is enough closure to start turning the next page. You don’t really need to have that last conversation about what went wrong or a full confession of how they cheated. You don’t need to locate the precise moment in time when things started going downhill.
All you really need to know and accept is that for whatever reason and however way it ended, it did. Take your time in healing, but not in moving forward.
“Somewhere down the road…”
Sorry Mr. Manilow, but that’s one of the most unfair things you can have someone believe. That somewhere down the road, your roads may come across again and that time in the future will be your time. No. Not really.
Sharon Cuneta and Richard Gomez, Minsan Minahal Kita (Photo from Star Cinema)
Be more of an Elvis fan—it’s now or never.
“We could stay friends.”
Maybe. But that doesn’t mean you should.
Exes are exes for a reason, and whatever that reason is, it would do you well to remember it. The past needs to be left where it ended. The more you try to keep a part of that failed relationship alive, the more it can haunt you (and your future relationship).
Rashida Jones and Andy Samberg, Celeste and Jesse Forever (Photo from IMDB)
Stop trying to ‘save the friendship’ or feel bad about the time you’ve invested. Your future self will thank you for it.
"You complete me"
Jerry Maguire really did a number for hopeless romantics everywhere during the 90’s with this line. That coupled with Tom Cruise’s misty, sorry eyes just about did it for all the Dorothy Boyds out there.
Renee Zellweger and Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire (Photo from IMDB)
Thing is, you’re not supposed to be completed by anybody else. You’re not supposed to be a part of a whole. You need to be whole yourself before finding someone to share your life with. That way you’ll have more to offer and you’re less fearful of ‘losing’ yourself.
If they can't accept you for who you are, they're not the one.
You need to ask yourself what it is about you that they can't accept. If they're pushing you to better yourself, but you’re just finding it hard to do so, then that's not a bad thing. Don’t make excuses and put the blame on fate for your stubbornness to change what needs to be changed.
“You only get 2 great loves”
Kristin Davis and Sarah Jessica Parker in Sex and the City (Photo from IMDB)
Charlotte (Sex and the City) had a slip of the tongue when she said that to Carrie. The truth is, you meet so many people. Some of us fall in love many times over. A lot of them end up as exes, but that doesn’t mean they weren’t great. Great loves happen when they change something in you to be better—but it doesn’t mean you’re meant to be better with them.
Falling in love with the right person shouldn’t be scary.
As a matter of fact, it’s super scary.
It’s one of the scariest things you’ll ever do and the privilege is reserved only for the brave who attempt to love completely.
Ben Affleck and Joey Lauren Adams in Chasing Amy (Photo from IMDB)
It’s scary because no matter how much you’ve learned in previous relationships, you’re still going to mess up from time to time. No matter how much you think you’ve grown, the right one will challenge you beyond your limits. And no matter how many times you might feel like giving up, something inside won’t let you, which means you stay and you fight, and you do what you can to make it work. And it’s scary to realize how much work that actually is.
Time to stop liking and sharing quotes on what ifs, lost loves, and fish that got away. Let’s adjust our clichés and stop romanticizing parts of the past that need to be laid to rest. First loves can die, there are no fish that got away, and missed chances are not questions to be answered. They are what needed to happen so you can actually move forward and find the love that you deserve.
Cover photo from IMDB