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7 Reasons Why Kids Keep Secrets From Mom

Why do kids keep secrets—and when is the right time to give them space? Metro has the answers

Teenagers would rather keep things to themselves or share secrets with friends. This is a sore spot for moms who wonder why their teens do not confide in them. Here’s why:


Teens don’t want to upset mom

This is the top reason why teens keep secrets from mom. When she is upset that means they are in big trouble! Usually, their secrets are about the fun and fearless adventures they had with friends, low test scores, and worse, failing marks. They do not want to disappoint mom so they pretend to ignore the situation—until they are found out. 

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They don’t want to hear the same old ‘lecture’ 

Teens feel the generation gap when we try to tell mom how we do things and she says, “When I was your age...” This is a total turn-off sometimes because what’s meant to be a funny story suddenly turns into a lecture with a moral lesson at the end. So teens would rather keep their mouth shut. 


They want to be able to correct their own mistakes

When teens tell mom their problems, she would get upset or try to solve them for her kids. This makes teens feel bad because it seems like they are not capable of making smart decisions and choices. Sometimes, teens would like to be the one to discover the solutions to their problems. They want to correct their own mistakes. 


They want to hear other teens’ point of view 

Teens share more secrets with friends not because they want to keep mom out of their lives but because their friends are able to relate to them more than she does. Their friends are probably facing the same problem or have encountered the same situation, thus they can pretty much empathize and give helpful advice. 

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Some secrets are too embarrassing to share 

There are some secrets that teens are too shy to share with mom—like boy-girl relationships. They do not reveal their crushes’ identity to mom because she’s going to ask too many questions and make a big deal out of it. In fact, sometimes, teens have already moved on to another infatuation but mom is still stuck on her teen’s previous crush. She’s acting as if her teenager is marrying the guy already, and begins stalking him on Facebook, too. 


Mom shares secrets with others

Mom tends to get excited and shares embarrassing news about their teens with Dad, siblings, and even their friends. When this happens, teens feel stripped of their privacy. No matter how trivial or important their secrets are, teens trust that mom will keep them, so it becomes a big issue when she doesn’t. 


Mom keeps prying 

Mom just overdoes it. When teens are too quiet, she thinks they are keeping a big secret. The moment teens step into the car, she starts shooting questions like “How was your day?” “Who did you eat with?” “How’s your friend?” Sometimes, she doesn’t understand that teens just want to sit back, listen to music, or sleep. They’re tired, possibly had a bad day, and just want to hear the voice of Ed Sheeran on replay. 


This article was originally published in Working Mom August 2015 issue.