What We Can Learn From Neri Miranda's Brave Message For Mothers Recovering From Miscarriage
It's every set of expecting parents' worst nightmare, one too painful to even imagine, yet one that comes true for some, often without explanation.
When a doctor confirms a miscarriage, how does one answer a grieving mother and father who ask, "Why us? Why now? What did we do wrong?" or worse yet, "Why did we deserve this?"
They're questions that might never have clear-cut answers, but when it comes to Neri Miranda—wife to Parokya ni Edgar frontman Chito Miranda—she's got beautiful words of advice on the subject matter worth listening to.
After all, the now mom-of-one once had to endure the long, arduous journey of physical, emotional, and spiritual healing after a miscarriage herself, the strength she gained from which she wishes to share with fellow mothers going through the same.
In a post she shared on Instagram a little over two weeks after Mother's Day, Neri recalled what it was like to be told that her baby's heartbeat could no longer be detected seven days after their most recent ultrasound appointment. The lengthy message was accompanied by a sonogram image, one likely to be that of her first baby.
She was angry, she recalls. So angry, in fact, that she questioned her faith, let her anger out onto the world, and repeatedly asked the deadend question, "Why?"
But in the process, she picked up the pieces, discovering things about herself, motherhood, and perfect timing along the way until—one year later—they were blessed with a son.
Here's what we can learn from Neri, her miscarriage, and what she had to say about the experience, four years after:
"Sa lahat ng nakakarelate dito. Alam ko ang pakiramdam ng nawalan. Sobrang sakit. Pero malalagpasan mo rin yan. ?"
The pain is real, and no one can and will ever convince you otherwise, but it will also come to pass. The bad doesn't last forever.
"Darating ang tamang panahon na talagang ipagkakaloob ni God sayo."
With faith, or just a general belief that all things will fall into place when the time is right, you will find comfort. The devastation might be incredibly heavy to deal with at the moment, but whatever is down, must eventually come up. You will eventually find happiness in your family life again.
"Ok lang na i-release mo ang galit mo. Pero wag kang susuko."
It's alright to be angry, to embrace the big, overwhelming emotions, and to find ways to release it. In fact, it might help to do so as it marks the beginning of healing. However, mothers in this situation mustn't get caught up in the anger or stew in negativity; when it's been let out and drained, the space must be filled up with good.
"Alam kong parati mo 'tong naririnig, totoo na lahat ng nangyayari sa atin ay may rason at totoo rin na darating ang para sa atin."
Believe in a plan, in the grander scheme of things. However questionable the reason or purpose of a miscarriage might be in the life of a mother, it's crucial that they continue to believe that something better, brighter, bigger, and more suitable for them is on their way to them somewhere down the line.
After kong mamalengke, bonding with my baby muna. Kinukwento niya sa akin yung pinepaint niya. Nakakawalan ng pagod ka, anak ko! Ang sarap maging nanay! Sa lahat ng trip tingnan ang mga na-paint na ni Miggy since one year old palang siya, you can follow @miggyspaintings. #MiggysPaintings
"Hindi ko man maiaalis agad ang sakit na nararamadaman nyo ngayon, gusto ko lang sabihin sa inyo na naiintindihan ko ang pain na nararamdaman nyo."
Support each other. And depending on what's needed, give love, or openly receive it. It's a difficult time that can be surpassed only with the right people around you who share positive energy and aid in your healing. Surround yourself with company like this, and you'll find that it will help—by a mile.
See Neri's complete message below, and share the love!
May 27, 2015. Nakapag ultra sound na kami ni Chito nun para sa una naming baby. June 3, 2015, wala nang heartbeat ang baby namin. Devastated. Galit na galit ako sa mundo nun even kay God nung panahon na yun. Bakit?! Yun ang palagi kong tanong sa Kanya. Bakit ipagkakait na bigyan ako ng chance na maging isang ina? Bakit kinuha agad ang baby ko?! Bakit! Sa lahat ng nakakarelate dito. Alam ko ang pakiramdam ng nawalan. Sobrang sakit. Pero malalagpasan mo rin yan. Darating ang tamang panahon na talagang ipagkakaloob ni God sayo. Ngayon, may napaka kulit at healthy baby Miggy na kami. Sobrang perfect baby boy para sa aming mag asawa. Sobrang love na love namin at mahal na mahal din kaming mag asawa. Ok lang na i-release mo ang galit mo. Pero wag kang susuko. Wag kang mawalan ng faith sa sarili mo, at lalo na kay God. Alam kong parati mo 'tong naririnig, totoo na lahat ng nangyayare sa atin ay may rason at totoo rin na darating ang para sa atin. Patience is a virtue ika nga. Sa lahat ng nakaranas o nakakaranas ngayon ng pagkaulila sa hinihintay hintay nating baby, isang mahigpit na yakap. Hindi ko man maiaalis agad ang sakit na nararamadaman nyo ngayon, gusto ko lang sabihin sa inyo na naiintindihan ko ang pain na nararamdaman nyo. Naranasan ko yan. Sobrang sakit. Pero bumangon ako at nanalig kay God. God bless sa ating lahat! Isang mahigpit na yakap!
Images from @mrsnerimiranda