How To Assert Yourself, According To Mich Dulce, G3 San Diego, And Amanda Scully
Setting boundaries is essential in maintaining healthy connections. According to fashion designer and vocalist Mich Dulce, boundaries refer to our limits—whether physical, emotional, or mental. “They are parameters that you follow and live by,” adds seasoned writer and creative producer G3 San Diego. “I set a standard for how I treat myself and I will set a standard for how other people can treat me. It sets the tone for all relationships, whether they’re business or personal,” says Singapore-based brand builder and Maori healer Amanda Scully.
While it may be simple to define and determine one’s boundaries, getting them across without guilt or fear is a different story. “As women, we’re socialized to not have boundaries, we’ve been socialized to adjust, to take things… and it’s been perpetuated in our culture and society,” Mich points out.
During the recent She Talks Asia Summit held at the Globe Tower, these three women suggested ways to assert yourself and express your boundaries.
1. Just say it.
“It’s important to say them out loud,” Mich declares. If you’re constantly adjusting what you’re willing to accept, you will eventually find yourself exhausted. Do not wait until it wreaks havoc on your health and mental state. Find your voice and be upfront with what you want and don’t want. Be very clear but be polite. “My mantra is, ‘speak the truth with kindness’,” shares Amanda.
2. Write a letter.
If it’s hard for you to verbalize your thoughts, perhaps find another less confrontational way, like writing a letter. Or maybe even sending a text message. But there really should be no reason to hesitate. “I think it should be normalized, it should be okay to say what makes us uncomfortable. When people say that to me, I appreciate it and I see it as a sign of trust that someone is close enough to me to be able to say that I’m hurting them because sometimes we’re not aware,” Mich says.
3. Stand your ground.
Not everyone will honor what you say, some people may dismiss you as overreacting or being dramatic. Insist on being taken seriously. “You just have to keep reiterating it, just be strong enough to stand your ground and eventually they’ll change,” G3 guarantees. “I think it’s also recognizing what you would want for somebody else in your life. Would you want to see someone in your life treated the way that this person might be treating you?,” Amanda recommends to draw strength from that possibility.
4. Provide a different perspective.
Sometimes the struggle of communicating boundaries may just be a simple case of misunderstanding. Encouraging the other party to speak can result in a more open exchange. “I ask them where their boundaries are or what I can do to support them. What do they need from me, what do they expect from this relationship with me? Then I am able to listen to them and hopefully engage them into understanding where I come from as well,” relates Amanda.
“Boundaries should not be confused with fear,” and other nuggets of wisdom shared yesterday. ?? Learning to raise your standards, set boundaries, and understand what you do and do not deserve in both the personal and professional arenas. Thank you so much @amanda_scully @michdulce @g3cafe for sharing your insights on stage yesterday @shetalksasia ?? ??: @sohrosario11 #shetalksasia #shetalksasiasummit2019 #weareenough
Learning to set boundaries does not happen overnight; every experience is a lesson. “As you progress, you learn to reel yourself back in, it gets easier in time… As you get older, you get to a more comfortable place, you get to know yourself more, you know your worth. You know what you’re capable of giving, you know what you’re deserving to receive,” G3 assures.
“If you become clear about the kind of woman or man that you wanna be then you recognize what you need to do to get to that place and if you’re willing to put in the work to be the person that you wanna be then you’re going to attract into your life the people that are worthy to be around that person,” Amanda concluded.
Photo courtesy of Nana Nadal