5 Signs That You Need To Call It Quits
Generally, plants give oxygen and are used to symbolize life and vibrancy. However, when they’re not cared for properly, they can wilt. Moreover, there are some plants that are just destined to simply be contributions to the compost heap.
The same is true for relationships. There are thorns in the way, sure, like questionable moves or arguments, but what separates ones that just need a refresher and those that are too far gone? How can you see if it just needs more sunshine or if it’s best to let it wither away entirely to make room for new life? What attitudes plain and simple translate to setting yourself free?
These are the 5 basic indicators that you’re better of withering away to bloom somewhere else:
1. Repetitive squabbling.
Here’s the thing—beating a dead horse is never healthy. In the same way, if an issue is rarely resolved completely and keeps coming back up, it’s psychologically damaging already. Arguments are normal in a relationship, yes, but only if, with time, it improves and progresses. If the topic always ends in a fight despite trying to have a calm talk, communication is shot. Having mature talks is vital to relationships. Without it, the hurt from emotional wounds could pile up and eventually leave permanent damage. That’s not what being in a relationship is, right?
In a nutshell: You need to reevaluate your relationship if you can’t talk maturely about your issues.
2. Arrogance has caused a power imbalance.
If at some point you think you’re “better” or “worse” than your partner, it’s definitely time to leave them. When you think you’re “better,” you develop feelings that border on resentment. You look down at them consciously and subconsciously, which has a condescending effect to the way you interact with them.
On the other hand, thinking you’re “worse” goes all the way down to the way you see yourself. Alternatively, you probably put your partner on an emotional or mental pedestal, which is still unhealthy because you’re still putting yourself down.
In a nutshell: It’s time to step out when you don’t see each other as equals.
3. There’s only one side to everything.
Not on the same page? That’s okay—unless it happens often. Having different opinions and letting them be known means there’s a mature level of comfort in communicating even the uncomfortable.
However, if your opinion is incomprehensible to your partner, that indicates toxicity. There ought to be a point where your view is clearly understood as far as you are concerned. That indicates health and mutual respect, both non-negotiable in a positive relationship. Differing in opinion without any room for empathy is a sign of barely any faith in the other person in general. Don’t you think it’s time to have faith, somewhere else?
In a nutshell: If you can’t understand each other no matter how hard you try, then maybe, you’re not supposed to be in the same book after all.
4. You’re scared their leaving is just a matter of time.
There’s no way anything can be stable if it’s shaking—and that includes your insides if you’re always stressing that your partner will leave any minute. If it feels like even the smallest things can set off a nuclear bomb that wipes out everything, that’s an alarming level of insecurity in your relationship. Problems in healthy relationships are usually solved by being rooted in choosing to stay with each other. That’s what commitment is all about. When that withers, everything else is fruitless.
In a nutshell: Not sure of your partner’s commitment? None worthy of any more time and effort.
5. The flowery words you once used now boil down to the “Break up” threat being tossed around.
Threatening annulment/separation is a terrible sign in a relationship. If breaking up always comes up—as a threat, a bargain, or a joke made too often—the relationship doesn’t hold as much meaning as it once did. Love isn’t a game or something you can return for a refund like a potted plant you no longer want. It’s virtually priceless.
In a nutshell: Breaking up isn’t a light subject and if it gets to that—there’s no real value put into the relationship anymore.
If any of the above are familiar, ask yourselves if you still want to work it out. It may not be too late to make changes—or it may be high time to pull yourself out of the weeds.
OUR EXPERT:Rica Cruz, RPsy is a Psychologist, and Sex and Relationships Therapist with the Ateneo Bulatao Center for Psychology Services. She is also a faculty member of the Department of Psychology at the Ateneo de Manila University. Her expertise focuses on Filipino sexual behaviours with an emphasis on sexual pleasure and relationship satisfaction. She opines that sexual empowerment for Filipinos is sexier than sex. :) FB Page: www.facebook.com/TheSexyMind Twitter: @_ricacruz IG: @_ricacruz