9 Things Your Husband Wants To Tell You
It is not easy to be a man these days. Here are some of his thoughts on these expectations that he wishes his wife to know.
Most husbands aren’t expressive as wives about their thoughts on love, sex and relationships. Second-guessing them could be iffy. The best thing would be to listen in on your husband’s wants and needs in your relationship. Here are nine things he’d like you to know but perhaps hasn’t gotten around to telling you.
It is not easy to be a man these days. Life has become more complex, brought about in many ways by the explosion of information and the nanospeed pace of 21st century life. There is more pressure to deal with more things in as short a time as possible, face-to-face or remotely. Ironically, and despite claims to the contrary, technology has isolated us from communicating meaningfully with others. A man must meet the roles—son, husband, father, provider—that have been thrust on him by his family and society. Here are some of his thoughts on these expectations that he wishes his wife to know:
1. I want you to be happy being with me. I want to grow old with you. I want our commitment to each other to be true. Please help me make you best for me. If you become upset because of what I did or failed to do, I cannot even begin to express how disappointed I am with myself. Despite what our “macho” society would want you to believe, I am actually happiest when my family is satisfied with me.
2. I need to have a stable family life that I can come home to. Our home is a place of comfort, love, forgiveness, and appreciation. Home is where I can just be myself, where I can let my guard down, find comfort when I’m tired, and receive acceptance in every way.
3. I don’t say I love you as often as you want to hear it. But it does not mean that I love you less. It is simply because there is you in my life; words are inadequate to say it all.
4. Don’t nag. I know you don’t mean to start on it, but once you do, it seems there’s no stopping you. I guess women are wired differently that way. Then, it becomes a cycle of conflict between my desire to be home with my family, and the probability that once home, the nagging will begin again. There have been times that my choice was to spend time elsewhere just to avoid the unpleasant encounter. So please don’t overwhelm me with so many words. Help me to find strength in the comforting silence of your presence.
5. Sex is important to me. Having sex is where I can be the most intimate, feel loved and accepted. I want to know that you desire me sexually. I also want to be the one to bring you to heights of ecstasy. I am very visual and you need to forgive me if my eyes roam at times; just looking, you understand. Men usually have sexy videos in our minds. We find the female body interesting, for the simple reason that it has different parts from ours, which are a source of pleasure to us. This is why you and I must take good care of ourselves. We need to look-smell-feel good for each other, as this shows the importance each of us gives to the other.
6. I need a confident—not a domineering—partner. A confident woman is someone who knows what she wants but is open to the insights of others. As partners, we must be confident in each other’s strengths and allow the other to grow. Being domineering and being needy are two sides of the same coin; both stunt growth. They’re both turn-offs.
7. I need to be assured that I am your priority just as our kids are. Being a mother to our children is very important to you and I understand that. But I do get jealous when you give all your time and attention to the kids and I am frequently relegated to the sidelines. Please don’t forget that you have a husband whom you swore to love until death do you part. We began with just the two of us; we will end with just the two of us.
8. As we men get older, we become sentimental. Time together and intimacy become more important. Creating family memories together, bonding especially with the grandchildren creates new meaning in life.
9. Emotions are like the Grand Canyon for me. Heck, I do not even know how I feel a lot of times, much less how to react when you cry. Oh, what those tears can do! As a young child, I was told “boys do not cry,” so I carry that mindset to this day. Please be patient with me. If I cannot quickly respond to you when you are emotional, it is because I am afraid to hurt you more, I do not know where to start, what to say. I’m dumbstruck, literally. Please allow me some time to gather my wits.
***OUR EXPERT: Zenia Lim Panahon is a director of the Philippine Association of Christian Counselors. For more than 15 years, she has been coaching individuals, couples, and families. She also pioneers Pusong Pinay, a fun and interactive lecture series on the many facets of the Filipina. For more details about Pusong Pinay, e-mail firstname.lastname@example.org. This article was first published on Working Mom June 2016 issue