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How To Resist Temptation in Your Marriage—According to Men

We got advice from dad-columnists Slick Rick and Edric Mendoza on the matter

Edric Mendoza: Don’t focus on the problem, focus on the solution. My suggested solution is for married men to focus on their marriage and find ways to build healthy intimacy with their spouse. 

One way is to have date nights once a week. Block it off your schedules and make sure not to talk about the kids or the bills. Instead, enjoy each other’s company. Part of what we have learned as a couple during date night is having a fun and neutral environment, when you ask the important question: “How can I improve?” 

Don’t counter whatever the spouse says, for example, “You’ve been too busy with work and you’ve not been spending time with us or the children.” Don’t be defensive. Instead, retreat humbly and receive the comment with an open mind and heart. The same goes for the wives. 

For many couples it’s a little awkward and uneasy, but as you cultivate this openness, your relationship becomes an environment for you to keep on working on your marriage and to keep on improving to become a better husband or wife. 

On top of that, one way to strengthen your marriage is to enjoy the sexual act, because it is a beautiful thing that is designed to be enjoyed in marriage.  Those two things are good ways to focus on the solutions and avoid temptations of cheating on your spouse—whether physically with another woman, in your mind through pornography and other acts. 

Slick Rick: Temptations are everywhere and for some reason, it seems to come easily when you’re in a relationship. We’ve talked about this in our radio show “Boys Night Out.” Truth be told, there are women who are out there for the thrill of the chase and the “benefits.” It all starts with playful text messages, which lead to deeper intimacy. 

I admit: I became No.2 in my wilder days. But the relationships never panned out. So I don’t want to be a hypocrite and preach on how men can resist or fight temptation. I’ve been that other guy with a girl who was in a relationship. 

My advice: Look by your side, and ask yourself: Who is this woman trying to keep you astray? Is she worth it? Then look at your wife and kid/s. Would you really want to hurt them like that? 

It’s really up to you. It’s your call. I am not going to judge you. You know the consequences of your actions. We are all grown-ups. 

This article was originally published in Working Mom February-March 2017 issue.