Friends-Turned-Lovers—Is That A Good Thing?
We’ve seen this in movies: You’ve been friends for such a long time—you spend most of your time together, you have so many things in common, you share your grudges and your deepest darkest secrets with each other, and eventually have become best friends. Then one day, your best friend introduces you to their new significant other and you are left with that "what if" feeling. Would it really have been better if you and your best friend got it on? Or would it have ruined a perfectly good friendship that would have lasted maybe, forever?
Zanjoe Marudo and Maja Salvador play friends-turned-lovers in their movie, To Love Some Buddy, which is now showing in cinemas nationwide
3 out of 10 relationships that started out of being best buddies do not work out for the best. Given this, would you want to live your life wondering "what if?" Or would you at least give it a shot? Let’s weigh it.
A more satisfying relationship.
Time and time again, studies have shown that those who consider their partner their best friend were more satisfied and happier in their relationships than those who do not. Shared companionship has been shown to be a crucial aspect of romantic relationships. Relationships based on deep friendship make partners value, respect, and trust each other more. Who doesn’t want that?
Having known each other for a long time, the purity of your friendship allows you to see your partner as who he really is without being blurred by your sexual libido or having physical intentions. But that doesn’t mean that your sex life will be dull and boring. In fact, people who consider their partners their best friends reported to have more gratifying and satisfying sex lives than those who don’t. What gives? Having your best friend as a lover also allows you to be trusting and comfortable even at your most vulnerable state—when you’re naked.
Becoming a better person.
Ideally, your relationship should help you expand and grow as a person. In order to help in your self-improvement goals, your partner should be able to understand your interests and help you mature. Being friends with your partner can help you do just that. As friends, you tend to constantly connect, ask each other about your hopes and dreams, affirm one another, and support each other, nurturing you to reach your full potential.
Less heartache moments.
Relationships based on companionate love nurtured by friendship, feelings of affection, comfort and shared interests typically last longer. When you’re in a romantic relationship with your best friend, you are likely to be more committed to one another, more understanding and forgiving of each other decreasing the chances of you guys breaking up. You want to know the secret of couples who’ve been happily married for decades? They married their best friend.
Setting the bar too high.
They’re your best friend, they know everything about you, you know everything about them, and sometimes, it’s to a fault. You expect them to know what to do all the time because they know you too well. Most of the time, you expect them to live up to their fullest potential because you know they have it in them. You just want the best for them but sometimes, when you have to live up to someone’s such high expectations, it becomes tiring and taxing.
You are around them all the time. YOU ARE AROUND THEM ALL THE TIME. Because you end up having the same circles, you end up sharing everything with them and not having enough time for yourself and do things on your own. It is difficult to strike a balance with them being your friend and lover at the same time. And that could lead you feeling suffocated and yearning for freedom.
All your eggs are in one basket
Some people want to keep things separate, so when you have relationship problems, you can run to your friends or family. Or when you have a problem with your bff, you have your partner to turn to. When there is someone who transcends all of them, how do you deal with it? Your best friend, your lover, your family are practically that one person who is present in everything. And when that basket breaks, what now?
It’s been proven scientifically that the longer you know somebody, the more attractive they will become to you. Having a partner who is also your best buddy ideally sounds perfect. You get the best of both worlds, he’s your best bro that you can have all the fun with either as friends and as lovers. It’s like having your cake and eating it too! You never feel more comfortable than when you’re with your friends. They’re the ones you laugh with, the ones you cry with, you rant with, and they often know you better than your own family but this friend-turned-lover will know you even more intimately.
Every relationship, regardless of how it started, will have its own set of challenges to face and solve. Communication is still the cornerstone in working things out with your significant other. And whether they may have been your friend beforehand or you started romantically off the bat, what matters is nourishing that deep friendship through time as you grow in love with each other.
Photograph by Rxandy Capinpin