Panjee Tapales On Her Transformed Life: “I Am No Longer Meeting The World From A Space Of Woundedness”
There is more to who you are than your current narrative.
Former media personality and a mother of two boys, Panjee Gonzalez Tapales, knows this to be true, thanks to her personal journey that led her to her deeper purpose in life—that is, teaching two practices that can help people, pardon the cliché, live their best life.
HeartMath® and Conscious Uncoupling™ are two separate programs that Panjee is certified to teach here in the Philippines. She is one of only a handful of coaches in the country certified to teach the former and the only one certified for the latter.
She especially brings the programs together for her clients. “They are related in that both involve deep heart work. HeartMath® techniques work more through the physiology first and Conscious Uncoupling™ through our emotions and consciousness. They are complementary. I can confidently say that both are embodiments of philosophies of love and consciousness.”
Both, too, are practices that can help individuals change patterns of behavior and beliefs and be more in control of not just their emotions but their lives.
Finding alignment with HeartMath®
Panjee defines HeartMath® as techniques that focus on the heart, with the purpose of bringing internal systems into a state of integrity and coherence. This reduces stress, enhances emotional self-regulation, and can even change baselines (set patterns of behavior and response) if practiced consistently and sincerely over time.
She was introduced to it as early as 2005, and in 2010, Panjee got her first emWave, a gadget developed by the HeartMath® Institute to monitor rhythms to determine heart coherence or that state where all physiological systems are aligned. “I did notice that when the light turned red indicating low heart coherence my thoughts went a certain direction. I thought that was interesting because I saw, concretely, that specific ‘stories’ in my life had physiological impact! Conversely, when the light turned green, indicating coherence, there was a pattern, too, and it had clear positive impact on my physiology. Of course, I wanted to learn to stay in the green more. So that was my ‘aha’ for HeartMath. I thought it was such useful information for self-knowledge and it was measurable.”
In 2016, she enrolled for a coach training online that culminated in a live training in New Orleans in the US. This year, she took on a more advanced certificate to become a trainer.
She has done one-on-one coaching in person and via Zoom. “I thought I would never do this kind of work via phone, but once I experienced it, I saw the benefits. First is that no one has to get into a car and brave our horrendous traffic. One simply has to hop on the phone or their laptop and be there. Next is that the level of listening is so intense that you are able to truly accompany a client at a different level. So I am a convert!” she says.
HeartMath®, she adds, is for anyone interested in learning techniques to help them emotionally self-regulate, be authentically calm through crises, be generally healthier in the face of stress and change.
Transitioning through Conscious Uncoupling™
Many of us have probably heard about Conscious Uncoupling™ from Hollywood celebrity Gwyneth Paltrow who used the phrase when she made public her separation from Coldplay vocalist Chris Martin. But the program was founded and is taught by Katherine Woodward Thomas, who is also the author of the New York Times bestselling book with the same title.
Panjee defines Conscious Uncoupling™ as a program that helps people in relationship transitions to do it with kindness, generosity, respect, but mostly self-responsibility and accountability. “It is a very gentle, tender but self-awakening and transformative process. My goal is also to help a client graduate from past patterns and beliefs.”
“When the term was first bandied about by Gwyneth Paltrow as she went through her own divorce, I was one of the people who defended it on my blog because this was something I tried to do when my own marriage ended many years ago. I didn’t want to repeat my own parents’ acrimonious separation when I was little. I wanted to do better for my own children who were still very little. This is my sacred wound—the crack through which healing light has entered and that’s why both courses resonated,” says Panjee.
She points out that the premise of the program is for us to know that there is a truth about who we are that is much deeper and truer than what we have been taught or believe about ourselves. “From this space, all kinds of healing can happen. Yes, [I] do talk [with my clients] about the difficulties and betrayals [in their relationships], if that happened, but only as a lens from which we can view the bigger picture, which begins with our role in the story. We do this with a lot of love and care rather than blame.”
Panjee notes, however, that she does not work with couples. “I work with individuals. So, if there is a couple who wants to do the program together, I would refer one of them to another coach.”
Like HearthMath, Conscious Uncoupling™ coaching is done one-on-one in person, via phone, or through Zoom, which Panjee prefers. “I can record the sessions which can be very helpful for the client. The first call of about 30 minutes is usually free as it’s more an assessment of whether the program is a fit.”
For her certification, Panjee immediately signed up to be registered for the course not even an hour into her seminar for the program. “It struck me as being the kind of work that is so very badly needed in the world today,” she says. She eventually flew to Los Angeles for the course and continued the rest online.
The program, she says, is for any kind of separation/transition, even professional ones, because the principles are transferable and relevant to any situation. “Anyone who wants to love more consciously and is ready to dig deeper into their life story is a potential client. I’m there to help you uncover certain internal patterns that you somehow keep perpetuating that is at the heart of your current narrative. Together we can see where that came from and how to graduate from it and to finally let the truth of who you are be the bigger story.”
A different person
As a practitioner of both programs, Panjee attests to the positive impact it has done to the way she leads her life today. “I can tell you that I am a different person now. I have much more energy and handle stress and conflict very differently... I can sit with my feelings with care and compassion so that I am no longer meeting the world from a space of woundedness. I have learned powerful techniques for identifying my emotions and communicating with much more objectivity and perspective. I am also so much better about my self-talk which used to be pretty diminishing and unproductive. I feel like I have finally tapped into the possibility of self-transformation. I actually know how to do it now!”
With two certificates under her belt, she continues on her transformative journey where she is able to coach people with both authority and confidence. She not only has the knowledge but the wisdom and experience from which to anchor and draw her teachings.
Panjee says that she will soon be an empty nester with her eldest already living abroad while her youngest is just two years away from college. She says being a coach came just at the right time—just as she was figuring the next step in her evolution.
“I had very briefly considered going back to media, but I knew in my heart of hearts that the healing arts is my true calling, and when you carry a deep question inside you, all you need to do is pay attention and the answers do come. They came for me during a trip at the heels of a particularly difficult heartache. Heartaches are always a point of expansion, contrary to popular belief,” she says, and, without a hint of doubt, she concludes, “Yes. This is now my fulltime practice.”
Panjee will be giving a Resilience Advantage™ Workshop where you can learn HeartMath techniques and the science behind them. It will be held on July 14, 2018, Saturday, at the Astoria Greenbelt, Pasay Road (2nd floor boardroom). For more information, write to email@example.com.
HeartMath is a registered trademark of Quantum Intech, Inc. (dba HeartMath, Inc.) For all other HeartMath trademarks, go to www.heartmath.com/trademarks
Photographs by Chris Clemente