Our Dad-Columnists Crack The Male Relationship Code
To help you better understand your partner, we’ve gotten a few articles from Working Mom magazine that have helped a number of people. We all know that tenet, 'men: they’re not like us,' and we hope this article and others to follow shed some light on these puzzling creatures.
When it comes to husband-wife relationships, I follow a few principles. First, settle it right away. There is a Bible verse that I abide by: “Do not let the sun go down on your anger.” So, if there is an issue, I want to settle it before the day ends, as much as possible.
Second, focus on the issue. A lot of times, we can get historical on top of getting hysterical, you know? You start adding all these side truths, hurts, and concerns when it’s no longer related to the main issue. I focus on the issue and I address it. For example, if the issue has to do with something that my wife said that deeply hurt me, then I will focus on that issue.
Third, focus on the resolution. Instead of focusing on what it did to me or you, or who is right or wrong, focus on solving the issue. There’s a principle of Craig Groeschel that I love. It says you must learn to fight fair. You’re not fighting to win. It’s more of what do we do to resolve the issue that was already identified. So, if my wife hurt me by what she said and that’s the issue, then we resolve on how to remedy it.
Fourth, use “I feel” statements. Instead of saying judgmental statements like “you always say these things to hurt my feelings,” or “you never pay attention to me,” or “you just say things like that to hurt me,” express how you feel. “I feel hurt by the statement that you made.” So when you’re able to express that, then you can move toward a resolution. The spouse can now apologize to the wife and ensure to watch his words carefully.
Issues, issues, issues. It happens to every relationship and it’s handled differently depending on the person. There is a big difference between men and women because they are wired differently. We are simple. We look at things as either black or white, while women like to go into details.
On Boys Night Out, the letters we get are written by women because they are great writers, very specific about details, and can paint a clear picture. It’s not a bad thing, that’s just how women are. We need that in our lives because we’d be too boring.
We see relationship issues like a two-way street. Left or right. Personally, I don’t like to overthink things because I’ve learned that if you do that, you make it more complicated. Majority of guys are like that. We like to get a straight answer. We see women handling relationship issues like a complicated highway. So many ways to go and so many exits. Guys are like a race track, there’s a specific route and way.
I’ve learned to handle it by thinking simple. That’s the way we are wired. Sometimes we just want to solve it but we can’t because there are some women who nag and just want to keep prying at it. That’s why some men get frustrated and don’t want to talk about it. I’m fortunate that my wife is not like that. She goes straight to the point and we solve problems right away. She knows me. Keep it simple.
About Our Columnists:
You know me as Edric Mendoza, former host of ANC’s “On the Money.” I’m also an “edupreneur” and a Registered Financial Planner, happily married with five beautiful kids.
I’m Slick Rick? of Magic 89.9’s “Boys Night Out.” Yes, I’m married and I’ll give you my opinion as one of the boys. Let’s enjoy. Yeah, meeen!