10 Reasons Why Men Cheat
This is probably one of the first questions we ask whenever it happens to us. Why did he do it? Was it my fault? If I choose to stay with him, will he do it again? Cheating sucks and both men and women have been known to do it. Men can be a little different though. Here are 10 common reasons why men break their promises:
1. He’s suffering from psychological trauma.
Sometimes men are psychologically bruised. Some psychological trauma in the past might have injured him permanently. Be it physical or sexual abuse, neglect or anything that might have followed him to this day. The damage might have made him unable to fully commit to a relationship and he cheats as an escape from that pain.
2. He doesn’t think you’ll find out.
Flat out, he thinks what you won’t know won’t hurt you. He probably uses this to justify any selfish decision he makes. It’s the same excuse people make for embezzling money or stealing cookies from the jar. In other words, he’s too immature to remain faithful.
3. He thinks you screwed up.
Some men have unreasonable expectations. They think it’s your job to fulfill every emotional and physical need he has. He probably lives in a fantasy where a partner needs to be perfect for him, and when he thinks that partner has failed, he goes on to find someone else who can fulfill those needs. He probably doesn’t get that you have bad cramps once a month or that you’re struggling with your job or that you have your own problems to deal with and that you’re doing your best.
Photo by Almos Bechtold on Unsplash
4. He lied.
He never intended to commit. When he made that promise to stay faithful, he just outright kept the truth from you. People have several reasons for this (some of them will be really stupid), but loving someone enough to commit to them is not a light thing to lie about. Some complicated questions just have simple answers.
5. He’s entitled.
He works hard, does his best and gives his partner what she wants. He probably thinks he deserves something that he can enjoy; something just for him. It’s the reason a lot of people do bad or immoral things. They think all the good they’ve done justifies something they do that they know is obviously wrong. Basically, "being a great person gives me an excuse to hurt my partner."
6. He’s lonely.
Humans are social animals. Most people can’t survive with the support of just one person. If a man has no friends, he expects his partner to fulfill all those needs. If that person is busy or absent, he might look around for company, but because he lacks the male bonding he could get from his male friends or that he doesn’t feel he’s part of a community, he seeks that companionship elsewhere. Sometimes, boys just need their guy time, but more often mistakes it for ”another girl” time.
Photo by Neil Fedorowycz on Unsplash
7. He’s an “addict.”
Wait, no, not that kind of addict, but very similar. Some people have personalities that make them unable to stop doing things even if they know it’s wrong. At times, it’s a strong compulsion to have sex or even to cheat. It may even come to a point that they feel extremely uncomfortable if they don’t get their "fix."
8. He’s breaking up with you.
It’s sad but true (but still wrong!). Men can be non-confrontational. It could be he just isn’t happy with your relationship anymore and wants to leave. Because he doesn’t want to deal with the consequences of being alone after a break-up, he wants to have someone else to be with. Sometimes cheating on you is one way he can send you a "message" that he no longer wishes to be with you. In other words, he’s being immature again.
9. He doesn’t understand love.
Just like the villain from your favorite fantasy movie as a kid, he just doesn’t get how love works. He thinks that rush of early romance is love. He’s been watching too many romcoms and listens to way too many love songs. The moment that early rush goes away, he starts looking for it again. He doesn’t understand that love changes with time which makes it hard for him to commit.
10. He’s got self-esteem issues.
Yup! It’s toxic masculinity again! He thinks so lowly of himself that he thinks having sex with multiple women will make him feel better. Chances are it doesn’t, but that doesn’t keep him from trying.
Photo by Max Rovensky on Unsplash
Some of these reasons can be serious problems and may warrant a trip to a psychological professional. What they all share in common is the need for communication. Remember, cheating is about dishonesty. As long as both partners are motivated to be honest with each other, cheating can be prevented. But then again, that’s easier said than done.
Our Love & Sex Expert
Rica Cruz is a Psychologist, and Sex and Relationships Therapist with the Ateneo Bulatao Center for
Psychology Services. She is also a faculty member of the Department of Psychology at the Ateneo de
Manila University. Her expertise focuses on Filipino sexual behaviors with an emphasis on sexual
pleasure and relationship satisfaction.
FB Page: www.facebook.com/TheSexyMind
Photo from Freestocks Org via Unsplash