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Timeout: Why Husbands Need It After A Fight

SLICK RICK: It’s inevitable that you guys will fight. Any great relationship endures great wars. When you’re boyfriend-and-girlfriend, you may have your petty arguments, but you can resolve it quickly. Or you may have a big fight and decide to break up. But marriage takes it to a difficult level. There are so many things involved and so many consequences. We’ve all had our big fights and we want to resolve it quickly.

When it comes to the resolution, what happens next? Ladies, we need our space after a big fight. We need time to clear our head and emotions after an argument. There are so many things that we’d blurt out if we didn’t have that time—words that for sure we’d regret in the end.

In general, we all need our alone-time to calm ourselves down. We end up looking at the big picture when we have that timeout. We just step away and think about what just happened. It’s like in basketball when the opposing team is on a run and you call a timeout to figure out how to get the points back and play defense. You need that break from the action to look at it from another point of view. You clear the air. Press the reset button and then you play on.

Give us the timeout to fix ourselves. Because we’d want to fix what was wrong and calm ourselves down. We like to think for ourselves, but sometimes it doesn’t seem like we do. Hahaha! We are problem solvers and we need that quiet time to fix it. From the timeout, we’ll be better and ready for life’s challenges ahead of us. We may need the individual break, but in life it’s always better with the two of us working together for a common goal. We do love you. Let’s work it out after the timeout.

So ladies, if your husband asks for a timeout, give him that space and he’ll come back a better man and husband.


EDRIC: I think the need for a timeout depends on the cause and context of the fight. If the cause is something major (say, infidelity, or job loss) and it led to a big fight, then that clearly needs a timeout. If the cause is something that’s recurring (say, husband keeps arriving late and that irks the wife), it’s also worth a timeout. If the fight is caused by a silly thing (say, the husband said something about the food and the wife reacted), the need for a timeout would depend on the culture of the couple. If they think that not having a timeout would worsen the fight, then by all means, have one.

The context of your circumstance will also determine the need for a timeout. If you’re busy or tired and it’s late at night, a timeout would make sense. But otherwise, there’s no need
for one.

If the husband realizes that dealing with a fight right away would make things worse, it’s okay to have a timeout. But if they’re just looking for an easy exit so that they don’t have to deal with the problem, this is not a good reason for a timeout.

The principle that I really love and embrace when it comes to resolving conflicts with a timeout or not is the principle from the Bible: do not let the sun go down on your anger.

As a general rule, you have to solve it as soon as you can. The mindset we need to have is when you fight, you need to agree that you will resolve it. It might not that be in that moment because you have to make a timeout, but you need to make sure that it’s clear. Do not just walk away.

But if you want to have a timeout and you feel like it’s justified, then you must agree that you’ll resolve it as soon as you can. According to Craig Groeschel’s principle—he calls it “fighting fair”—you fight so there is a resolution. The husband and wife should realize that they need to settle it before the sun goes down. Also, it’s not about who wins, but how they can solve the issue that they fought about.

 

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ABOUT THE AUTHORS

 

I’m Slick Rick of Magic 89.9’s “Boys Night Out.” Yes, I’m married and I’ll give you my opinion as one of the boys. Let’s enjoy. Yeah, meeen!

 

You know me as Edric Mendoza, host of ANC’s “On the Money.” I’m also an “edupreneur” and a Registered Financial Planner, happily married with five beautiful kids.