5 Things You Need To Know To Get You In The Mood

It’s quite common for life to get in the way of much needed couple time and before you know it intimacy has taken a back seat to everything else.  Well, don’t lose hope.  We’re here to remind you that  sex is an integral part of a healthy and happy marriage and relationship.  So in preparation for Valentine's Day we are publishing a series of articles to rekindle the romance and awaken sexual desires.  It’s time to get in the mood for love and sex.

 

Q. I am still quite shy when it comes to telling him that I want to have sex. How do I overcome this?

A. The most efficient strategy is to employ codes. Use phrases like, “I want a jumbo hotdog right now.” Or, taking a cue from Sex and the City, you can invite your husband to “color.” If you are more kinesthetic, have an agreed upon physical gesture, like discreetly touching his ear or pulling on his finger, that will notify him. If you find codes too corny, how about leaving sexy notes or texting him during the day? Sending him messages like “Can’t wait to see you tonight,” or “Thinking of your right now,” may help build erotic anticipation and excitement.

 

Q. What movies or series do you suggest we watch together to get things going?

A. Figure out what works for you and for him. Romance or horror? Do an examination of your conscience. What gets you going? What gets him standing at attention? Here’s a list from IMDB of the most erotic films to get you hot and bothered:

• Sex and Lucia
• Betty Blue
• Damage
• Bitter Moon
• Last Tango in Paris
• Crash
• The Postman Always Rings Twice
• Lolita
• The English Patient
• Wild Orchid
• Angel Heart
• The Lover
• Jamón, Jamón
• Crimes of Passion
• Nine and a Half Weeks

Sex and Lucia

 

The English Patient

 

Jamón Jamón

 

Our expert on Filipino movies recommends these:

• Always Be My Maybe
• Temptation Island
• Ligaya ang Itawag mo sa Akin
• Machete
• The Other Woman
• Scorpio Nights
• The Boatman
• Serbis
• Balahibong Pusa
• Sin Island - This will be released on February 14 so make that date now 

 

Q. What are the tried-and-tested aphrodisiacs, and when should we take them? Any suggestions on how to prepare them?

A. Aphrodisiacs are substances such as food, drinks, or drugs that stimulate sexual appetite. We’ve all heard about the consumption of genital-looking food, tossing back shots of alcohol until ready, and other shenanigans, but these stimulants are mostly cultural and myth-based. There is no solid scientific data to support efficacy. However, conditioning works. Once you both identify something as an aphrodisiac and imbue it with power or significance, the placebo effect takes over and biofeedback helps out. If dripping Palawan honey into his waiting mouth turns him on, by all means. Break out the pancakes.

 

Q. It can get pretty noisy with the kids around, would love to put on some music while we're alone in the room. What kind of songs would you suggest? (Can be a playlist, no explanations needed.)

A. Spotify has the Pure Seduction playlist to get you in the mood—guaranteed. You can also search other music websites such as Google Play Music, Pandora and Soundcloud, and YouTube for erotic music.

Here are some of our favorite and tried-and-tested songs to get your groove on:

• If you Think I’m Sexy by Rod Stewart
• Bette Davis Eyes by Kim Cranes
• Slave to Love by Bryan Ferry
• Wicked Game by Chris Isaak
• Versace on the Floor by Bruno Mars
• I Feel it Coming by The Weekend

 

Q. How do I tell my husband I am too tired tonight without upsetting him?

A. Technically, in terms of sexual frequency in relationships, there will be High Desire Partners (HDP) and Low Desire Partners (LDP), so this issue is normal but can be addressed effectively with open communication and mutual respect.

Try using the sandwich approach: a positive opener, the meat of the issue, then a positive alternative. Like this: “Honey, I love that you want to be inside me tonight, but honestly, and no offense to my pet dinosaur there, but frankly I am exhausted. How about tomorrow morning in the shower?” Tapos, kiss sabay hug.

Other menu options: mutual masturbation, organizing “Sex Dates,” or pursuing his sex fantasies. #takeitfromthesexpert

 

OUR LOVE & SEX EXPERT

Rica Cruz-Evangelista is a Licensed Psychologist with the Ateneo Bulatao Center for Psychology Services, and a faculty member at the Ateneo de Manila University. She trained in sex therapy and counseling at the University of Guelph.  

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