Owning Your Power In The Bedroom # 2: Experimentation And Adventure In The Bedroom - Are Your Ready For It Or Not?
There are many ways to stoke a fire. What kind of fire do you want? If blazing to the heavens is what you’re looking for, try these tips from our sexpert.
Q. My husband wants to record us together, but I am undecided on how I feel about it. If I feel uncomfortable, how should I say no? What can we do instead?
A. Where are your reservations coming from? Is it because you don’t trust your husband? Or you don’t trust technology? Or both? Either/ or, scientifically speaking, letting go of inhibitions during sex and the thrill of filming sexy time with your husband can add more pleasure and intimacy to the act, as long as you both are in control. But the fact that you have inhibitions is a red flag in itself. If you feel that the fear of being the next Paris or Kim K, or of starring in a viral scandal worthy of DVD sales is more than the pleasure and intimacy that you will get, then keep your naked glorious bodies away from a rolling camera or your phones, for that matter. Then what? Offer a few alternatives. Full-length mirrors placed around the bedroom for sexy cinematic views could be more enticing. How about a quick “sexy stopover” at a movie-themed room for some unfilmed role-playing fun? Maybe watching porn and imagining that you’re the actors could also do the trick. Be creative!But if you do get the courage to make your own home-porn, one piece of advice: keep the file in a safe place. You know, that same place where you keep your most prized jewelry (say, the bank vault?). Phones, laptops, and cameras can get stolen anytime. And if they do and your sexy file is in there, then better be ready to be a star! #Ikidyounot.
Q. My husband likes doing it from the back (doggy style), but he is just too heavy for me to support him. Is there another way to compromise?
A. Without a doubt, the doggy-style or “penovaginal intercourse from behind” is a favorite among men. Deep Penetration + Unrestricted Access to the view of their manhood sliding in and out of you = Visual Creature Score! But wait, there’s more! They also get their manly hands free to explore the rest of your sexy body.
Having said that, it seems kind of unfair that he’s enjoying while you’re carrying the burden (pun intended).
So what to do? Stand up! Get off your knees and on your feet, lean forward against a wall, or use the bed as support. If standing up isn’t your thing and you’re fine being passive while he rocks your world, try completely lying at on the bed, and prop your waist with a few pillows. Whichever way you choose, he gets to carry his own weight, and you get to feel more pleasured than burdened. Now, you score!
Q. My husband wants a threesome. Is this healthy? If I agree with what he wants, are there guidelines on how we should do it?
A. Is three a crowd? Not for some! Most men (and women) have threesome fantasies, and these are quite normal, according to science. But before looking for this lucky third person, you need to ask your husband what he likes about the thought of it. If his motivation is that he’s not sexually satisfied, or that he just wants to “try it out,” then yes, you should hear your alarm bells go ding-dong-ding-dong, and do your best to keep his ding-dong away from another person. The idea of a threesome may be exciting for most men (and women), but in reality, only a few are emotionally able to actually go about it and its repercussions. Sometimes, just sharing the fantasy without acting on it can be as fulfilling.
But if you want to go through with it, it’s crucial that you both know your boundaries. What sex acts, if any, are off limits? Fellatio, yes? Anal, no? What are your fantasies involving another person? What happens if two of the three people involved pair off and the third gets excluded? Will this person be someone you both know? How about safe-sex issues? These are some questions to help you decide if you’re ready to go for a threesome, as when it comes to sexual pleasure and intimacy, communication is key! #takeitfromthesexpert
OUR LOVE & SEX EXPERT
Rica Cruz-Evangelista is a Licensed Psychologist with the Ateneo Bulatao Center for Psychology Services, and a faculty member at the Ateneo de Manila University. She trained in sex therapy and counseling at the University of Guelph.
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