Can Porn Help Your Marriage? Here’s Why It Can Be Beneficial And When You’re Alarmingly Going Overboard With It

Q: I’m a woman and I love watching porn daily. Sometimes I even masturbate to porn after I have sex with my husband. Is this normal? Or should I get help?

A: So you love watching porn everyday. Maybe it arouses you, gets you going for the day, or you just
simply like it. Whatever your reasons are, as long as porn does not bother you significantly, and you’re
watching acceptable porn, that’s totally fine! Porn, when used in correctly, has its benefits. So that’s
normal. Go for it…but wait! If we were only talking about the frequency of watching porn, I’ll stop with
the first paragraph. However, you also mentioned that you watch it AFTER you have sex with your
husband, and even masturbate to it! Which could only mean one thing: Hindi ka nasisiyahan, Girl!
Your husband’s manly-bed moves are not enough to satisfy you. Sigh.

But, why? (1) Is sex with your husband not good enough that you need to watch porn to be able to
satisfy yourself? Or, (2) Is the everyday porn contributing to the fact that you’re not getting satisfied
during sexy time? Think about it. Seems complicated, but a therapist may be able to break it down for
you. So you may want to go and seek professional help before it’s too late. It’s okay, go for it!

Q: I’m a heterosexual woman and every time I watch porn, I always look for lesbian action. I know that I only want to have sex with a man. Is that wrong?

A: Nope! Not wrong. One of the easier ways to know what arouses you is through watching porn and
creating your fantasies. But these do not necessarily mean that you want to do them IRL. Most of the
time, fantasies can only arouse you when they remain in your head and not done in bed!

Porn becomes appealing because of its potential to give you different fantasies from role-playing,
orgies, and infidelities, to woman-to-woman action! It’s like a smorgasbord for sexual dreams! Lesbian
porn specifically titillates women as it focuses on extended foreplay as the appetizer (who doesn’t want
to start with that?); then moves on to oral sex and clitoral stimulation as the main course ooohlahlah!); then the sex toys and erotic sensual vibes between the women come in as dessert yummmyyy!). And these things get you (and most women) to that orgasmic feeling! Hence, it’s really ot a surprise that you like what you see on the screen.

What else? Lesbian porn can actually help you tell your mate what you want during lovin’. Watch it
with him and let him watch you as it heats you up. And hopefully what he gets is this: “Hey, baby, you
see how that turns me on? Now I want you to do that to me…puh-lease?”

Q.: There are times when I have sex with my husband, I cannot orgasm without thinking of my favorite porn scene as if I were the one in the scene. I feel guilty about it after. What should I do?

A.: As mentioned earlier, porn leads to fantasies. Fantasizing during sex is perfectly okay. In fact,
almost half of women think about other men during sexy time. So you’re not alone, Darling! Once in a
while, if you find yourself fantasizing about being in porn or being taken by another man, there’s no
need to feel guilty about it. Just let yourself go, and enjoy the moment!

The problem is when you find yourself thinking of being in a porn scene constantly—like every time
you have sex. Fantasizing about porn all the time could be your way of handling feelings about your
relationship –be it sexual or not. Maybe you’re bored? Angry? Unsatisfied? If so, don’t use porn as an
escape. Face your feelings head on, and talk to your partner about them. And if resolved, who knows,
maybe you won't need porn anymore!

Our Love & Sex Expert

Rica Cruz is a Psychologist, and Sex and Relationships Therapist with the Ateneo Bulatao Center for
Psychology Services. She is also a faculty member of the Department of Psychology at the Ateneo de
Manila University. Her expertise focuses on Filipino sexual behaviours with an emphasis on sexual
pleasure and relationship satisfaction.

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