Seriously—Unfriending People Online, And In Real Life, Can Be Good For You
Friendships change, and so does our need for them. Is it time to reevaluate the ones you currently have?
No, "unfriending" is not a childish thing to do. It is, in fact, a very adult thing to do because it's a reflection of mature discernment and ability to judge who deserves a space in our lives and who we're better off distancing ourselves from.
It's especially important to keep this in mind these days with friendships coming in two forms: real-life connections we nurtured in person over a period of time, and online contacts we may or may not have added even though the person on the other side of the screen is really more like a once-met acquaintance rather than an actual can't-live-without friend.
Unfriending isn't impolite or immature if doing so gives you peace of mind, makes you a better person, and helps you move on to better things—so if unfriending someone becomes necessary at any point in your life, don't hesitate.
Part of being an adult encompasses acknowledging that friendships come and go, but more importantly, that some friendships don't naturally fade into the background, but need to be ushered out—by us. You can certainly have your own reasons for wanting to do said ushering out, but if you've yet to decide for sure if someone in your life deserves to get the boot, we give you six reasons to help you make a choice.
How and why "unfriending" can be healthy
How and why "unfriending" can be healthy
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The necessity of unfriending
Most of us have forgotten that social media is entirely optional-and that applies to the people we connected with on our social media accounts. We're allowed to create our filters for who we want to follow and stay friends with online, and these connections should by no means be social contracts that put pressure on us. If you have online contact whose posts, status updates, photos (or anything, really) make you feel agitated, insecure, or that you find appropriate, you have all the freedom in the world to disconnect with them. (Extra note: You certainly do not have to follow or add someone back, just because they did so with you first. And if anyone gets offended by your choice to not add and follow back, well, that tells you that you made the right decision. Healthy, adult relationships are built on a much more solid foundation than being mutual friends online, don't you think?).
The necessity of unfriending
Meanwhile, in-person friendships are a little more nuanced than that given that they can't end or be limited by virtual boundaries with the click of a button. In truth, "unfriending" need not be equivalent to cutting someone out from your life completely (however this can happen too-we'll get to that in a little bit). It can simply mean seeing them or talking to them less-a.k.a. moving them to the outer circle of your friend group if they were once one of your go-to friends and isn't anymore. This can be necessary for several reasons, but one common cause is that people simply grow apart, especially as we move through life and begin hitting milestones at our own paces. You might find that you don't relate to an old friend as much a you did when you were both still in college with very similar life timelines or that you have less and less meaningful things to talk about now that you've moved to a different country and started an entirely new life-and that's okay. "Unfriending" in this context means letting go of old relationships that have served their purpose and making room for those that are more important to you at the life stage you're at.
The necessity of unfriending
"Facebook depression" is a real thing. It's a documented mental health phenomenon that is exactly what it sounds like; it's perpetually feeling down because of the things you see Facebook friends doing/wearing/eating/achieving, and that you're not. The byproducts of prolonged exposure to this is something we're all familiar with: constantly comparing ourselves to those who have and do "more," insecurity, discontentment, wanting to compete, and just generally not feeling great about ourselves and what we have going for us. The easiest way to deal with this us to bid farewell to any and all social media, but that's impossible for the majority of most us, so the next best solution is to-yes-unfriend people who cause you this kind of stress. (Or if you can mute, instead of unfriending them, that's okay, too). Don't be ashamed to admit to yourself that the only way you can have peace of mind is to stop seeing posts that make you feel that you are inadequate in any way; you would be doing yourself a massive favor if you do, should you need to.
The necessity of unfriending
There are some people who have people like this in their lives: they're the friend that you always invite to gatherings, always think of when you have a major life update, and always think of when you need company. But this same friend rarely, or practically never, does the same for you; you're not a top-priority contact for them and maintaining close contact with you isn't as important to them. We hate to break it to you, but friendships can be like romantic relationships this way. You can be investing more than you're getting back, and the friendship is really just still alive because of your efforts to keep it that way. It's unfair, it's tiring, and at the end of the day, you end up asking yourself if this friend sees you the same way at all. This is certainly enough reason to unfriend them and take care of new friendships with other people that return the effort and make you feel special this way. If you make the effort to be a good (or even a great) friend to someone, it's totally okay to expect to be treated the same way. And if they don't fulfill their end of the bargain, maybe it's best to reevaluate how much time and effort you're giving them.
The necessity of unfriending
If we're talking online contacts, unfriending them could be because of the simplest reason of all-they could be an annoying online presence! They could be so annoying, in fact, that they're borderline obnoxious or downright offensive, and that you might feel embarrassed to be connected with them. By "annoying," "obnoxious," or "offensive," we of course mean that they could be bullies to you or others, over-sharers, overly aggressive sellers, fake news peddlers, or that they could be tolerant(or perpetuate) discrimination in its many forms. Remember that it's not only personally embarrassing to be online friends with these people; they could also be a threat to your professional integrity, if your social media activity is something your employer is conscious of. You don't need these people online, or in real life, even.
The necessity of unfriending
Last but not least, a final reason to unfriend online and in real-life: it could be that a person could have done you a serious wrong or that they caused you harm in one way or another. Now, this isn't to say that we're anti-forgiveness and giving second chances. It's just to say that there may be instances when we need time to heal from a transgression or a seriously foul act. And in that time, we're allowed to not have contact with the person/s who'd done us wrong. And it's also more than okay to decide that you're permanently better off without them.
Images from Pexels and Unplash
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